Month 2 - Week 3 - Day 7: On the 'Roids agian!

Well, I tried to keep it to one dose a day, but my TRAPS Syndrom is just not having it. Two doses it is!

Tomorrow is Monday, and when I get home around noon from the retail job, I'm taking my Embrel shot. I will also have to email my doctor and let him know that diet alone can't control the TRAPS. Bummer.

But as much as I hate the shot, I hate being constantly sick and in pain even more.

The bad thing about being on the steroids is (if you recall from my previous posts) I am hungry all the time. And not, "Oh, I just want to snack." or "Oh, I'm using food to control emotions". Oh no. It's a deep hunger. A primal hunger. If I try to deny the hunger, telling myself "I just ate a Medifast meal less than two hours ago. I'm fine" that hunger turns into physical pain. It sits high in my stomach, and I feel nauseous and like I'm literally starving, as if I haven't' eaten in over a day. What is the best food to combat this pain. Carbs. They burn off slowly, and keep the pain, and the nausea away longer than most other things. A tub of yogurt with quinoa does a fair job as well.

I woke up this morning in enough pain that I knew I would need a second dose of meds, so I weighed myself. Last week I broke plan because of my meds for five days. I put on a few pounds. I've been back on plan for five days (though I broke it this afternoon). I weighed in at 144.6lbs. Before I broke plan the first time I was 145lbs. So I'm feeling pretty good about getting back to a good weight. Tomorrow I go back on the shot, get off the steroids, and get back on the plan. I only broke for one day this time, so my weight shouldn't jump up. I will get healthy again, get back on the plan...again, and I will reach my next goal of getting under 140lbs. I had really hoped to reach that goal this February, but I didn't count on getting sick.. twice. I knew it was a risk, since I was getting off the shot, but I had to know if it was the Medifast, or the shot (or what I really think, that it is both the Medifast and the shot) controlling my TRAPS.

My new goal for March-- Get under 140lbs. That is all I want to accomplish for March. I have a week-long conference toward the end of the month. I'm sure that I will break plan then, with all the networking, lunches, after-parties, and the like, but I will still take bars with me to help me not break completely. I will eat my Medifast breakfast, I will have bars to get me through the day (the seminars, and lectures). If I'm having lunch with others, I know to choose the healthier options and stay away from the pizza and greasy foods. Same for getting dinner and drinks.

I would love to say that I will not break plan, but I also know myself. I will break, because I will be in the city from morning till late at night.

I will break because I'm networking with people already established in the industry, and I don't want them to see me as the weird dieting girl. I want them to see me as the interesting narrative writer that they should hire.

I will break because I will smell something yummy.

I'm doing much better when it comes to making food choices, but I'm still human. And learning to make choices that I can live with, that is a big part of what Medifast is about. Lossing weight and learning how to keep it off in when faced with the "real world". So yes, I will break my diet again. But I'm not scared, because I know how to make better choices, and I know how to get back on plan when everything is said and done.