Month 2 - Week 1 - Day 3: Worn down

Wasn't feeling the best today. The retail job was nice enough to let me go home after an hour and a half. Spent the day resting.

A job I've been interviewing for is, to quote a friends after I gave her the details, "stalling and making me jump extra hoops for arbitrary reasons." This job is wearing me down, and it's not even a job yet... Which makes me wonder, if this is how they are during the interview process, do I really want to work for this company? More and more, I'm thinking, no.

I cleaned my bedroom a bit today. I think tomorrow I will mop the hardwood floors. I keep my room pretty neat, just every now and then I notice that I have piles of books and papers stacking up. I usually chuck them into my art room, which of course mean that now I have to clean my messy art room. Oh. Joy.

I just want to eat food. My period started, which makes me want food more. Especially comfort food, like sourdough bread and cheese-its. I love Cheese-Its. LOVE.

And I realized in the last few days, that I'm going to be on Medifast for months.

January - Started at 160; Ended at 148; lost 12lbs
Febuary - Started at 148; Hope to End at 138; goal another 12lbs gone
March - Start at 138; Hope to End at 128; goal another 12lbs gone
April - Start Transition which is about 1 1/2 months; I need to go very slow as I add foods back in so that I can look for what may/may not trigger a TRAPS Syndrom episode.

So this means that I may not be off Medifast until June... and I really want Minestrone soup, like right now... and tortillas, and cornbeef with carrots, and chicken and dumplings... and milk, and black tea with milk and sugar.

But I can't have any of those things right now... I can't have them until June.

In response to yesterday's post, my friend, Anna sent me this email.

I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed and scattered. Would maybe establishing a more defined schedule help?

"Oh I could do infinite creative projects!" Is too vague and, as you've seen, leads to doing nothing.

Consider picking a specific project for each type of craft you listed. It can be totally arbitrary and you can change it next week if you realize you don't like it. One specific thing to knit. One specific image to paint. One specific other image to draw. etc etc. Then, pick any seven of the list of projects you just made, and assign each project one day of the week. Then, if you get the creative bug on Thursday, just look at your list and say, "Oh, great, I knit on Thursdays, so I'll go get my yarn and work on PROJECT." 

Do you think that could take some of the stress of picking out of the mix so you can instead get to the actual crafting?

Here is my list of 7 things I want to do.

1. Knit a Clapotis. It's a very pretty scarf that I've wanted to make for years. The pattern is free, and I have yarn that I bought a few years ago that I bought specifically for this pattern.
2. Read the non-fiction book on gladiators. It's not a very long book. If I read one chapter a day, I will finish the book in 9 days. Hell, I can even high-light stuff I find interesting enough to refer back to later.
3. Revise the manuscript. I already said I would revise 15 pages a day. I have 2 writing partners to check in with daily. The guilt of checking in to say I did nothing is helping me revise more days than not.
4. Finish the damned cover letter. I keep putting it off and for no good reason other than I'm so tired of writing cover letters.
5. Write the blog post for my Guild Wars 2 guild mates. This will not be quick. It will be several days of writing out the rough draft, and another day or two of revision. I need to start with an outline. I should do this tomorrow after I get home from work.
6. The muse has been beating me with a new story idea, and I've been ignoring her. I should give in and free-write. I don't need to plot. I don't need to write fast. I just need to sit and have fun and see what comes of it.
7. Finish the Assassins Creed game. Today, I beat the boss battle that I got stuck on back in December. Now, I'm stuck on a new boss. It's making me angry.

In order of importance, tomorrow I will work on the following. I do not have to do all of these. I will work my way down the list until I feel like I've accomplished something and have no good energy to keep going. If I start working on a task and decide that I don't like it, I'm free to jump to a different task (Except for #1. That must be done.)

1. Finish the damned cover letter.
2. Make a quick outline for the Guild Post
3. Revise 15 pages of the Manuscript
4. Cast-on for the Clapotis
5. Read one chapter of gladiator book
6. Attempt AC boss battle
7. Free write new story idea

Lean and Green - Bison patty and spinach salad with micro kale