Week 2 - Day 1: Admission Time

First things first. I cheated on plan yesterday. A few hours after my angry post... I ate a square of Giradellies Dark Chocolate with Carmel... And it was good. There is a part of me that supposes I should feel bad, but I don't. I didn't eat a pizza, didn't pop a bag of popcorn, but I was feeling depressed and needed something. The fact that I contained it to a square of dark chocolate is actually okay with me.

Today, I woke up and felt better. I stepped on the scale and...

Check it OUT!! I lost 8.5 lbs this week!!! Cheating with a square of chocolate allowed me not to eat popcorn or any of the other unhealthy stuff in my house that I would have binged on.

I took a new set of pictures. Not much physical change that I can see, but look at my smile. Last week, I couldn't smile because I felt like yuck. This week I know that while I still don't fit into my size 10 pants yet, I know that I'm on my way.

I decided to bite the bullet, pulled out my credit card, and placed a food order today. I ordered a ton of the peanut butter bars. They are my FAVORITE meal. They are quick to eat, taste yummy, and always help when I'm craving chocolate.

I'm still taking my raw enzyme pills to help my stomach. The gas issue is much better, but not my stomach gurgles all the time. I'll need to pick up a new bottle in the next week or so.

Time to get to the emotional stuff. Today, I feel much better than I have in a long time, but I guess I can admit that I'm still struggling with my confidence. I write. I enjoy writing. I'm working on a novel; the first draft is done. But I haven't touched it in almost six months. I've been telling myself for the past week to start my short story rough draft, and I haven't. When it comes to the video game writing that I have to do for work. I have no problem. When it comes to my personal writing, I struggle with confidence. There is a voice that whispers "Why bother? What if I'm not good enough? I'm not good enough." and I've been listening to that voice for way too long. I allow it to stop me from doing the hard work that I know I need to do, to get where I want to get.

I'm not sure how to silence this voice, but I think the first step is admitting to others that I hear it.