Day 3: I dreamed of cheating

Last night I had several dreams about cheating. In the most prominent dream I gave in to frozen yogurt and cookies. I dreamed of cheating, dreamed of rationalizing the cheating, and dreamed of the guilt to such a point that I woke up disappointed with myself for cheating until I took stock and remembered I only DREAM cheated.

That feeling of guilt didn't make today any easier. Yesterday, sucked because I craved all the foods. Today sucked because without being able to eat I was forced to confront my emotions and the fact that I use food to cope with stress and depression.

It's hard when I can no longer turn to food to temper my boredom, my stress, my worries about money. I couldn't even eat an apple, couldn't have a cup of black tea with milk, no toast with butter. It sucked.

On the other hand, this forced me to find another way to deal. So I pulled out my spinning wheel (Think sleeping beauty, not a stationary bike) and struggled to make yarn from fiber. I kept pushing, kept trying to figure out why the yarn wasn't pulling on, and then I had a break through, and I spent about 4 hours making really bad yarn. But that's okay. Bad yarn is better than no yarn, and I will never be able to make yarn as bad as I did today, because I can only get better at it.

The next two days should be easier because I work full days. All I have to do is pack my meals and eat during my breaks. I'll also stay thirsty because I'll be busy, so drinking water will be easy.

Today, I also had to tell myself not to step on the scale. It's only been 3 days. This coming Monday, I will check my weight, take new pictures, and celebrate whatever loss I have. I will get down to my goal weight. I just need to be patient and stick with the plan.

Now, I'm going to go read another two chapters of the Habits of Health book, do another lesson in the workbook and try not to think about how much I want to eat cheese.