Week 3 - Day 4: Back in the Saddle

So I messed up yesterday and ate off plan. I had yummy artichoke hearts, which it turns out are too high in calories. Oh well, nothing to be done now.

Heath-wise, I'm feeling great, so great that I forgot to take my shot this morning before I left for work. Before I started Medifast, I felt sick a lot. The worst was on Wednesday so I knew that I just had to hold on because the next day was Thursday (Embrel Day) then I could take my shot. I have had 0 TRAPS Symptoms. Energy level is normal. Pain (Neck pain, muscle pain, joint pain) is non-existant, except for the hip strain, which I have decided is not TRAPS related so it doesn't count.

I'm feeling so great that when I go in to my doctor's appointment on Monday to discuss the hip pain I will mention that I'm on Medifast, TRAPS Symptoms are gone, and could he please take me off the shot to see if I stay healthy. He might say no. He'll probably say no..., but he might say yes, if only to gather more data so that he can get published in some medical journal based off my experience with having TRAPS (less than 1,000 people world wide have been diagnosed, and I went 21 years without a diagnosis).

Frankly, I don't mind if I only lose a pound a week (Hell, I could loose a pound a month). I'm symptom free. At this point, losing any weight is a fringe benefit. I'm really looking forward to the "transition" phase when I can add other foods back into my diet because I want to see what triggers an attack. Is it gluten? Is is dairy? Is it anything/everything processed? What is it?!?!?!?! I must know!!! I'm going to talk with my doctor about all of this and see how he wants to proceed.

When I started this diet almost three weeks ago, I was literally sick and tired all the time, not to mention my pants were getting tight (my I just bought these size 12 pants). Now they are comfortably loose, and I feel awesome! My emotions are more stable. I don't feel numb, or like I need to eat to numb the feels. Things still happen that suck, and sometimes I really just want to eat something, but I don't. I force myself to face the problem, and even if I can't do anything about it. I force myself to face the emotion and not run and hide from it, not bury it and hope it just fixes itself.

Life sometimes sucks, and you just have to keep breathing through it.

My primary weight loss goal is to fit back into all my size 10 pants and medium sweaters that I bought last year. Once I get to that point I can think about what to do next. And if I don't lose five pounds a week that's fine. My body is getting everything it needs. I'm not starving, nor I'm I going to starve myself. I'm also not going to stress about how fast or slow I loose the weight. The pounds will come off at the speed that is right for my body. When my hip is pain-free then I will start exercising, and that will help me loose the pounds. Right now, I can't do to much without aggravating the pain and making it worse. That lack of exercise might be what's slowing the weight loss down, and there's nothing I can do about that unless I want to be in a large amount of pain. Which I don't.

Soon (I hope) my hip will be better, and then I will start the Zombies, Run! 5K plan, and once I finish that, I will start running regularly again. I will start doing my Popilaties videos again. And I will appreciate every day that I don't have any TRAPS Syndrom symptoms.

Today was one of those days. I met up with my writing partner. We went to the library, instead of a coffee house, and spent about three hours working-out some sizeable issues with my manuscript. She even helped me come up with a daily goal.

• Read and make revision notes for 12 pages a day, Monday -Thursday
• Type up revisions on Friday.

I've let go of the short story. It wasn't bringing me any joy. It felt like it wants to be a longer story and that I was trying to make it something that it just didn't want to be. I was stressing over it way too much. If I decided to write on it then great, but I will not let myself freak out. A story can't always be made into what the author wants. And maybe I just need to let go of it for it to become what I want.

Lean & Green - Bison patty and baby bella mushrooms, sliced and sauteed in balsamic dressing. (I love the bison if you hadn't guess by now. It's like having a burger. And that balsamic dressing tastes good on all the greens. ALL OF THEM.)